Tampon Wars
by Bloodonmyshirt
Summary: Complete. But it wasn't, the smart thing Ron ever mentioned was shoving hairy little spiders in Malfoy bag, now that was what you called a show. He leaned over and whispered back to Ron, 'that's got to be the smartest thing you've ever suggested.'


**Tampon Wars**

Harry and Ron were sitting happly at their desk. It was first block, and it was defense against the dark arts class. Despite the reason Remus Lupin had left in their third year, he was back now. Shining brightly at the thought of teaching again. Harry always thought he made a good teacher.

Professor Lupin, which was a name the trio had great fun at teasing him about, had just assigned the class an assignment. Which was to be handed in at the end of the week. He had also giving them this block, and this block only to work on during class.

Harry and Ron were sitting there, working happily, randomly asking questions, or starting a ten second conversation. Parvati's hand flew up into the air. Harry and Ron saw this as nothing, and Remus dismissed her to go use the bathroom. Not only five second later did Lavenders hand reach the air, also.

Remus head locked onto her, 'what is it Lavender?' Remus always thought that first name bases was a good thing. Even in a teacher-student relationship.

'I need to use the bathroom sir,' she asked.

'And how badly do you need to?' he asked, his eyebrows creasing in the middle.

'I'm about to explode sir, please.' pleaded Lavender.

Harry swore he saw Hermione roll her eyes. Ron leaned over and whispered in his ear, 'what do you suppose those girls are up to? They never seem to go to the bathroom alone.'

Harry looked from Hermione to Remus, to where Lavender and Parvati were sitting, and whispered back, 'I don't know, but were going to find out.'

Hermione gave them a glare for talking in class. Ron leaned over once more and whispered to Harry, 'shall we enlist the help of Lupin?'

Harry thought that was just about the smartest thing Ron had ever mentioned. But it wasn't, the smart thing Ron ever mentioned was shoving hairy little spiders in Malfoy bag, now that was what you called a show. He leaned over and whispered back to Ron, 'that's got to be the smartest thing you've ever suggested.'

By the time Parvati and Lavender returned to class, the bell rang. All red faced and sweaty, they backed up their bags and headed out the door for double potions.

Ron and Harry waited for the class to file out, then walked up to their Professor, skipping potions, and recruiting him as a member to help find out the secret of all secrets. Why in the world did girls go to the bathroom in pairs?

Harry approached Lupin's deck quietly, as he was grading papers. But thanks to his great wolf powers, his head shot up as Harry's mouth was open to speak.

Lupin's features formed a soft look, as he looked at Harry, 'what is it Harry, Ron?'

Ron swallowed hard, and Harry choked on his own spit, 'well, you see Professor, Ron and I, well-'

Ron finished his the sentence for him, 'we want to find out why the girls go to bathroom in pairs.'

Lupin looked extremely amused, and muttered something about 'Sirius' and 'crazy.' He looked at Harry straight into the eye, 'grab the marauders map, blankets, pillows, and marshmallows.'

'Marshmallows, Professor?' Asked Ron.

'Yes, marshmallows, and please hurry. I'll send word to Snape that you've fallen ill.'

Harry and Ron both nodded their heads, and left.

By the times the boys had returned, half-an-hour later, Lupin had closed the classroom curtains, and pushed all the tables and benches to the edge of the classroom.

Harry and Ron nearly dropped all their supplies, as they saw Lupin pitching up a tent, in the middle of the floor. In front a of fire pit.

Ron and Harry seemed to take note of what they were doing with the marshmallows now.

Lupin saw them standing at the door, he motioned for them to be quite and close the door. They obeyed. They however, did not seem to forget the strange behavor their Professor seemed to have inharited.

The two boys had opened there mouth to ask there professor what in gods name he was doing. Dumbledore took that oppurtune moment to burst in, like a strange little circus monkey would. 'Camp out in the classroom,' Dumbledore said, 'and you didn't invite me?'

Lupin took out army paints, 'of course I was going to! Your on my list! Here, take the paint. Paint yourselves all up, while we wait for Sirius.'

Harry's eyes brightened, 'Sirius is coming?'

Lupin looked flabbergasted on the idea of not inviting Sirius, 'well of course he is! Now paint!'

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, and he dipped his hand into the black paint, drawing lines of it underneath his eyes. Harry and Ron followed, shortly by Lupin.

Sirius sumer-salted out of the fire place, and looked abnormal hyper for a man of his age. 'Well my fellow friends! Lets uncover this not uncovered secret!'

The group of five all ran under the tent.

Meanwhile...

Hermione raised her hand in potions, not something a everyday student would do. I mean, it is professor _Snape_after all. No one dared to disrupt his class.

Snape glared at her for a good five minutes. 'What do you want now, Ms. Granger?'

'Bathroom sir, please.' Snape nodded at her request.

Hermione gabbed her bag and ran into the girls bathroom, all the while, Pansy Parkinson, also, had raised her hand.

Pansy ran down the hall after Hermione, meeting up with a Luna from ravenclaw. When they got to the closest girls bathroom they closed the door and looked at each other.

Luna pulled out a whistle. Pansy and Hermione both whipped out a Tampon, like baboons, from there back pocket and tore the papering off.

Luna blew on her whistle, and the fight was one.

Hermione and Pansy stood across from each other, eyeing the other carefully.

'Your going down Granger.'

Hermione growled, 'not before you.' And she tore from her spot and ran at Pansy..

.. Dumbledore stood their with his all-knowing-all-annoying-all-I-want-to-gouge-out-your-eye, eye twinkle. 'Shall we get this party rolling, Lupin?' He asked.

Somehow, this didn't sound right to Harry and Ron. Lupin nodded way to enthusiastically, for his own good, and Sirius sat down in front of the fire, roasting marshmallows.

'Now, boys. Sirius and I having been working on this charm. You see, since we were boys also, we had always wondered what girls do in that bathroom of theirs. Now, today finally, the answer shall be revealed! This charm will allow us to veiw what goes on in the girls bathroom.' Lupin smiled gleefully.

Dumbledore sat beside Sirius, crossed legged, and pulled out a pipe. And a bag of -

Harry's eyes widened, 'Professor is that -'

'Marijuana?' Ron had finished his sentence, just as shocked.

'Dear boys it is! Now will you care to join us?' Dumbledore pulled out four other pipes, filing all five with the not-so-illegal-in-the-wizarding-world-substance.

All five now sat in a circle, all five puffing out of their rightfully claimed pipes. Dumbledore giggled, 'Sirius, you look like a girl with that hair of yours!'

Sirius giggled back, 'I know Dumb's!'

He leaned over and tried, might I warn you again, tried to make out with the tent pole. Sirius eyebrows frowned, 'she won't kiss back!'

Harry and Ron laughed till they were dying on the floor. Lupin patted him on the back, 'she, my dear friend, is a tent pole.'

Sirius almost cried at that.

'Shall we see what those naughty girls are up to?' suggested Professor Dum-Dum's.

Lupin grinned, highly, 'of course!' He lifted his wand and flicked it.

A movie-type-projector appeared above the fire. 'Bloody hell,' murmered Ron.

'Did Hermione -'

'Just shove a tampon up Pansy's nose?'

'Yeah!' Sirius cheered, they all fell on the floor holding their stomachs, laughing.

They laughed even harder when they saw Pansy shoving a tampon into Hermione's ear.

Hermione shoved another tampon in Pansy nose, just a second later.

Luna blew her whistle and shouted, 'HERMIONE WINS THE MATCH!'

Pansy shook Hermione's hand, and they both laughed. The three girls grabbed there bags, and left for their proper classes.

When the five guys finally caught their breath, and hour later, they made the movie-type-projector dissapear.

Dumbledore grinned foolishly, 'shall we see what other fights unfold?'

Sirius clapped his hands like a rowdy two-year old, 'YES!'

And so, the secret of tampon wars were discovered.


End file.
